July 11, Year? 2006
Gah! I apologize for the recent halt in blog entries. There is absolutely NOTHING to blog about. That's the funny thing during these summer months, my day usually consists of, well, nothing. No social interaction past the occasional shallow IM conversation. Refuge is found within my keyboard, just like a true nerd, searching for the end of the end of the internet.
Scratch that, I think a more accurate assessment of my activities of late would be, sleeping. Like 10 hours a day. This night was an exception, major insomnia, like, 5:30AM insomnia. Pondering important things like world hunger, world peace, and ultimate environmental purification. Well, in reality, I think it was moreso the stereotypical teenager things - love, absense of it, defining your purpose in life, defining your exsistance, etc. Otherwise, I'm lagging behind in EVERYTHING that I need to do. Just to steal from Kevin:
Things To Do:
- Finish KHS Layout
- Finish L2ED site
- Read The 5 People You Meet in Heaven
- Finish/Read The Fountainhead
- After which, read Atlas Shrugged
- Research politics, extensively
- Join the work force (next summer)
- For that matter, find something that makes you worth hiring (resume)
- Fix the desktop, and get a virus scanner for the notebook
- Learn to not suck
- Learn marching band music before band camp starts, incentive for Steggy to make you section leader next year
- Lose weight, alot of weight.
- Make a story/rant collective site (long term)
- Make a "Hypocritical Act of the Day" site/section
- Make an attempt at getting my MP3 player at least half full
- Stop SUCKING
- Get less "emo"
- People to talk to/hang out with before they leave for college - Aidan, J-net, Mason?
- Do the same thing I do everyday, try and take over the world! Mwaaahahah!
- Read The DaVinci Code
- Learn Javascript/SQL/Perl/PHP
- Get a copy of Visual Basic, which might require A JOB.
- Contact FOJRP site manager to talk to him about maintaining the site
- Convince Herb to let you maintain the JRHS band site
- Get in shape before band camp so that I don't DIE
- Get an iron-on kit (random)
- Stop worrying about the stupid things, hard as it may be
- Learn to sing, seriously
- Get a calender, since what plans I do have - I keep forgetting about
- I want my camera back form the shop :(. (random)
- Shop for band camp clothes (light colored tees and light shorts)
I think that's about it for now. Time for me to upload this, and procrastinate all of that further.
May 30th, Year? 2006
Figured I should probably blog at least once a month. Might as well get my May blog in now. Sorry for the infrequency, and pardon the atrocious spelling that may ensure. I am far to tired and lazy to check myself today. Lets just say that I'm angry at myself right now. Events the past few days have been going, for the most part, in my favor. Scarce for a stretch of bad luck last night and this morning, trying to get a damn paper written. I went to turn my AC down and knocked over a box of 100 clear thumb tacks. Well I tried to pick them all up but I was in a hurry so I made a mental note not to walk around there barefoot for a while. Well I woke up this morning to my dog wimpering because she had stepped on a thumbtack. So a dab of Neosporing and my 90 pound wimpy Lab is running around like usual. Off on a dead run this morning, brandishing an buttload of crap for the freaking English paper and a science project. Still forgot like half of stuff for Englist and the damn thing is like 90 percent of our second semester grade. Great. Completely loaded with academic crap to do, and a buttload of site that aren't making themselves. CLAP site, L2 Eternal Darkness site, NEED TO FINISH THAT KHS LAYOUT THAT I PROMISED IN JANUARY. My main computer is running like crap because the registry is screwed up. Contemplating a format, I can only pull like 30 FPS on UT2004 when only a month ago I had a steady 70 with peaks into the 100s with 11 bots on. ccAPP hates me so it's commiting suicide (screw you Norton). I keep repairing and reinstalling rundll32.exe and it keeps getting corrupted and dissappearing so half of my critical processes wont start right. My guess would be malware attacking it, but I've run three different anti-spyware progs. and two full virus scans and I cant find anything besides tracking cookies. Installed SP2 finally, still screws up my computer because of that accursed explorer.exe hack I did way back when, but at least it attempted to repair it. From what I can see my HijackThis log is clean, though I still need to send it off to my friend. Not to mention this damn Logitech setpoint software which mauls like half of my RAM running. I'm pretty sure I toasted my GFx card fan as it randomly stops and the card spikes to like 120C. Maybe theres hair in it or something. Using a table fan to keep my comp cool when the MB used to run at 19C not so long ago. Now it idles at 40.
Not to mention that I am so so so so so so so so so angry at myself for crap that happened yesterday and today and how I still feel about it (bad, bad, bad!!).
Ok, I think I'm angry enough now, going to go attempt to get some homework done and wash concert clothes.
April 10th, Year? 2006
Well hello there! I know, I know, try and catch your breath, it's true, I'm blogging. I find it hard to believe myself. Well don't I have alot to catch you guys up on! New York City, All-Viginia Band and Orchestra, all kinds of stuff! I'm going to attempt to take this in chronological order, though I'm not quite sure how well it will work.
So, NYC, what's there to say about that, only about 380 pictures worth. So thats ... carry the 2.... add 3..... carry the 1... 380,000,000 words, guess I'd better get started (just as a note, I'm going to do my little funky listing thing here, so make sure you don't package this up and send it to your English teacher, she might just choke you to death) . Day one, arrive at JRHS bright and early around 6 AM on Thursday morning. Board bus. 8 hour bus ride, stopping once in Northern Maryland. Go to hotel. Shower and change into Broadway clothes. Dinner reservation a Bubba Gumps at 4. Eat with Dan, Aidan, Tillman, Rashad, Patrick, and Thomas. Take pictures of every table. Finish eating. Hang around in Times Square for a few hours. Head to Stomp. Afterwards procede home, lights out at 11. Wake up Friday morning. Breakfast = eggs and bacon. Aidan and Lorraine have a heck of a time trying to find something vegetarian to eat. Load buses. Get stuck for hours in unexpected Lincoln tunnel traffic. Get 2 hours chopped off 5th Avenue time. Become angry because all your group wants to do is spend the hour on 5th in the Rockefeller center at the stupid Nintendo store. Become even MORE angered when you chaperone lets them because its 4 vs. 1. Miss your chance to look at "The Office" stuff in the NBC store and drop in FAO Schwartz and play Canon on the giant piano. Boxed lunch from Hard Rock. Eat lunch while on the bus tour (talk to Lin and Aidan). Haggle for a Narnia bootleg in Chinatown. Head over to Pier 17 Southside Seaport Mall. Take 23493840598495 pictures of the Manhattan skyline. Eat dinner on the Hudson from Pier 17. More shopping while waiting for darkness. Head to the Empire State Building to ride to the observation deck. Wait in line for hours and ride the elevators to floor 83. Take pictures. Marvel at the fact that one of the elevators, conveniently carring a multitude of your personal friends is stuck. Breathe a sigh of relief when you see them get off at floor 83 then head straight to floor 101 (as an apology for getting stuck). Buy an 8 dollar keychain that falls apart as soon as you put it on your keyring (no kidding either). Return home. Lights out at 11. Talk until 2 AM. Due to staying up until 2 AM. Wake up late Saturday morning. Speed through the shower and skip breakfast in order to get into our Regiment uniforms before the Parade. Do the parade. Come in first place out of one band. Return to the hotel. Change into normal clothes. Tour of SS Intrepid. Circle Line tour. Walk around in some popular mall in New Jersey. Laugh at Aidan freaking out about the beautiful Sbarro's girl. Regret that you missed all of this because you were to retarded to find the Sbarros. Buy a four dollar chocolate bar. Remember that you hate chocolate and give it away. Head home. Lights out at 11. You're tired you just fall asleep. Apparently your friends talk for hours after this. Wake up Sunday. Breakfast. Bus ride home :(.
If you read all of that, good for you. I'm sorry that you put yourself though all that.
As for All-State. I'm pretty sure I can sum it up in a few words. Fun, tiring, mildy annoying, enlighting, inspiring, amazing. I'm incredibly glad that I could help out at such a prestigious event. The music was absolutely amazing. The orchestra played the entire 5th Symphony by Shostakovich. I was only able to hear the fourth movement and it was absolutely AMAZING. Fortunately, my mom ordered the DVD. Well it's only been like three hours since I started this entry (distractions, distractions), so I shall conlude it. Hey admit it, at least it was an update, if only a short and uninteresting one.
March 18th, Year? 2006
Ack! Haven't updated in a bajillion years! I've been sort of busy getting ready for NYC (4 days left!). Not much eventful or rather, worth blogging, has happened lately. Eric and the gang had a get together Friday and it was quite enjoyable. Pointless, but still enjoyable. Of course this raises an interesting questions, does ANYTHING we do have a point? Besides our mall get together about a month ago, no they don't. Sorry, you can tell I'm tired, I've been playing Kingdom Hearts straight for 7 hours. I just got it back from my friend who had lost it (for a year!) yesterday, and I wanted to finish a new game before the weekend was over. I did pretty good if I must say: @ Final Rest, 15 Hours and 18 Minutes, Expert Mode, Level 54. Though I'm going to go back and do the dalmations and the optional boss fights.
My mom and I worked on the car some today, the battery was dead (or we thought it was). In actuality though, it was a problem with the battery cable contacts, and perhaps the starter and/or ignition. Essentially we spent 75 dollars on a battery that we didn't even need.
Well I'm sleepy. I'll probably blog again later. Maybe.
March 2nd, Year? 2006
For the past two years, I tell people when I have GOOD days. Not when I have BAD days like the rest of the world. It's so stupid. I hate myself, I hate what I've become, I hate what I am. I hate how I treat people. I hate how I think of people. I hate how I'm hypocritical. I hate it. All because I just can't get over it. I act like I have all these problems, and they're just stupid fucking angsty problems. At the same time I'm arrogant. How the HELL? It's causing me to lose friends faster than most people lose their loose change. Why the hell can't I just move forward, WHY am I stopped up on this? All I'm doing it hurting people. All I'm doing is scaring people. And I don't know how to fix it, and I have nobody left to help me. Because they are RIGHTFULLY fed up with my shit. I have more shit than a pile of cow poop. So what the hell am I going to do!
I'm a selfish jackass. I know I am. I'm sorry people.
March 1st, Year? 2006
Well, it's the first day of a hopefully great month. It's eventful to say the least, regardless of the lack of entries on my calender. We have Festival, an SOL, Interims, and the NYC trip. Already I'm feeling the pressure of the final exams. Drum major practice should start this month too, which of course I'm attending. My senior year, assuming I don't die of some freak accident or anything, I will be drum major, no matter WHAT I have to do to get there. NO MATTER WHAT. Goals for the month including getting below 150 pounds, and chopping another minute off my mile. Lent? Let's say sugar, though I haven't fully decided yet, in fact I completely forgot until somebody mentioned it today. I'm not particularly religious, but I still think that it won't hurt to give up sweets. I don't eat hardly any though, the hardest is going to be the soda and sweet tea. If I wanted to be true to holiday, and give up something pleasureable I would have to say carbs, but I don't particularly have a death wish. It's one of those ones that's hard to find alternatives too as well.
Either way, I still have interims come out soon, so I'm off to do some makeup work and who knows maybe even work on my Latin project.
February 27th, Year? 2006
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded,
And that heaven is overrated.
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star,
One without a permanent scar.
-Drops of Jupiter - Train
Can you say drama drama and a little more drama? First off I'll just throw it out there, CGG, I still love you. Ok there, if you read this then fine, you know. If someone tells you or whatever I don't care. I was advised against it, but I'm sorry, it's better to know that you know and us never talk, then for us to talk and me have to hold it under my breath the whole time. Right. Well maybe it's not the best choice but it's the old heart over mind thing, guess my heart won this time.
In other news..It's Monday, tommarow's Tuesday, AND even. Le suck. Why isn't it Friday yet??? F R I D A Y = G O O D (or rather BETTER than a Tuesday, I mean no day is GOOD anymore...I haven't had a GOOD day since 7th grade or something....) Ok I'm quite tired of this very emo blog entry. Additionally, I'm pretty tired so I shall blog at a later time.
February 26th, Year? 2006
It's been said that those who have loved have lived. Well once you live you can die right? Well I mean, logically, you have to be alive before you can die, right. So, technically it's alright if I die now? Exactly. Good, I agree.
You can give me that other fish in the sea bull, but I don't believe it. If she's not the one for me, which she isn't, then my so-called "soulmate" must have died already. I am seriously convinced of that. And don't get me wrong, this by no means that I'm going to go out and kill myself. Nor, does this mean that I'm going to start popping happy pills or anything. It's just with spring fever starting (screw the groundhog, teenage hormones don't lie, well ok..) all these new couples are appearing. In actuality, Valentines day is a bit too early to hit the love nail on the head. In fact its closer to being a day celebrating a few months of mass birth. Ok, get this, just look at how many kids are born in December, January, and February. Count back nine months and you get just about all of spring. Guess what people, flowers aren't the only things reproducing at this time, trust me. It's a proven fact, perhaps an act of mother nature or just pure coincedience. You decide.
Anywho, enough anatomy and physiology. My point is, that before long I will be one of very few single people. Now granted, 90% of these hormone induced relationships will die with a short amount of time, and this whole thing is unrelated to how I'm feeling. Or maybe not. Still though, I'm definately not saying that I will be dissappointed in not being in a shitty relationship with somebody for a month. It's still going to be a crude reminder that I'm pathetic. Now I'm no psychic, but I still know whats going to happen, don't ask me how, I just have a knack for these things. One of my few knacks in life. I have a gritty feeling though that assuming the busses for NYC are co-ed I may have to endure 8 hours of mushy smush between couples.
I have to admit though, that most of my singality is my own doing. Not taking care of myself, no effort to boost my own self-esteem, no effort to pursue the one(s) I love/like. And just being plain incompetent. I also am picky about who I like. If they're not perfect (and I've only found one to be perfect, and since no two are alike, I guess she's it) then I find their flaws, and I sit and reap on them to myself until I absolutely despise the person. It's HORRIBLE. Not to mention that I wouldn't be able to be in a realtionship period because it wouldn't be perfect. And ironically I'm a perfectionist. I would most likey get dumped (rightfully so) and become so incredibly heart broken that I would kill myself. It hurts enough just watching from a distance.
Nonetheless I could sit here and acknowledge my flaws until I run out of webspace. Which comparisonly is about 3 or 4 trillion, 8 letter or less flaws. I shant waste my time in such a manner. And I need'nt say that I hate my life either, though I am discontent at my current state, I am fully aware of the situation in the world. I need not a lecture about the starving kids and people in general all over the world.
One day, I'll adopt one of those kids from Africa or Asia, since you cannot conceive a child without a signifigant other.
Veering back on to course and avoiding further redundancy, I saw Pink Panther today. It was quite alright, not nearly as bad as I anticipated, but still not worth 8 dollars. Go see it in the daytime for 5. Hmm. Well since I just made a vow not to repeat what has already been said (many times), I shall depart for now. Events later in the eve may bring me back to this humble place.
February 24th, Year? 2006
Wow, what an even day. It rivals last Friday when all I did for 3 hours was watch wrestling. Well today, due to wrestling yet again, I just essentially wrote on chalkboards for 3 hours. I did take a test during 6th period though, but not a long one. Granted, our Woodstock attending, Catholic, alcohol enlightened sub had a slight anger management issue. Frankly I didn't need to know that there were heroin soak hot dogs at Woodstock. I already knew that Woodstock = drugs + sex + music; I didn't need to know the nitty gritty details. The man was full of himself too, bragging about his age. I think he left his brain back at the druggie fest, judging by his emotional maturity state.
Not to mention that it's Friday! Hopefully the weekend will go good, I have plans to goto the mall all day Saturday with the Eric gang. Not just the immediate group either, we're up to almost 30 people! No bowling this weekend, oh well, I can't wait for the next time we go!
I desperately need to update my poor dilapidated side bar. It's so outdated that it's sad. Yeah November it's actually 7th. Not really.
We're having some more VERY winterlike weather. It's a freezing cold 68 outside, sun shining bright. Nasty, is it not? Thus, I'm going to walk my recently cleansed dog. Not only is it exercise for me, she's overweight as well. Imagine that, I even over feed my dog. Ahh but who am I kidding she's just a big jiggling ball of love. She's quite deadly, if you don't want to get licked to death steer clear. Sorry can you tell that I'm feeling spontaneous today? Not to mention that I'm running out of things to write about AND Chandler is spamming me with questions on how to save his sister's Mp3's and still be able to nuke his drive. Which in case you're wondering, he can't really. Guess he shouldn't have gone porn surfing and gotten a virus. (Nah I'm just kidding...) Mehh, girls are confusing. And I seriously don't see how they can find guys confusing. Guys are easy to figure out. Well actually, no. It's just humans in general that are hard to figure out. We understand ourselves but we don't know who we are. Huh, weird.
Philosophy sucks, it can go suck on a piece of woody tree bark for all I care. Yum...wood..
OK! enough blogging for now, considering this entire entry is useless, or maybe it just seems that way because its not super emo suicidal like all my others have been. I may blog later today, if I encounter anything unusual while walking the dog.
February 23rd, Year? 2006
New layout!
Granted this is about the only thing that's happened lately. Plenty of random mood swings to go along with the dullness as well. The new layout though, is dedicated to a very special person. Which may or may not have something to do with my recent state of mind. Anyways, I'll update when I'm ready.
February 6th, Year? 2006
Hey people. I know it's been an incredibly long time since my last update. I've been busy, or you could say that I suppose. My social calender has more than a monthy event on it, which seems like an assload to me. I laugh at my own patheticness. My mood has been up and down the past month, and as I am pleased to announce, has been UP more than 30% this month! *Gasp*. Yes this means like a WHOLE WEEK (not consectutive) of NOT feeling emo and crazy and angry and suicidal. I know, just tell me when you catch your breath.
I went bowling with a relatively large group of people Saturday evening. Granted, they were all in band or guard, but nonetheless, it is in fact proof that I have friends. Of course, it takes 20 people to cheer me up and 1 to depress me again. This derives from my wonderful trait of being a PESSIMIST, oh BOY. This in fact, is one of the most unfair facts of life, that one person can change your perfect day around.
I never did get called on to go to District band, I was third alternate and I know the second alternate well, she didn't get called either. A bit of a dissappointment, but I only have myself to blame, for being such a lazy bum. I got dropped on to the third row from the second in our school band. Granted, I'm the row's soloist, I still want to be back on the second row, solely because of the parts.
Instead of watching the Super Bowl's first part last night I applied my usual Theory of Relativity relating to anime - Anime > NFL Football. I watched Miyazaki's Spirited Away on Cartoon Network for the first half hour of the game (it was a wonderful movie, in case you wanted to know), after which I watched the game, which I found was boring due to the Ref's bogus calls (that TD wasn't in).
I finally got over the mysterious girl known simply to you guys, the readers, as ASDF. Incidently, I fell for another taken girl, who I will hopefully soon get over, considering she is one of my good friends, and this is affecting our friendship in a very negative manner. Ironically, ASDF dumped her boyfriend less than a week after I got over her. Oh well, I've said it before, I'll say it again. Girls suck.
There's this song, which may or may not have anything to do with how I'm feeling, called "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt, and it's simply wonderful. I encourage you all to visit the videos section of his site and stream and/or download the song.
I've been busy with schoolwork, the semester just ended, so I spent many hours making up work and doing extra credit. In history, I jumped from a 43 to a 102. Why I had a 43 in the first place, well I guess I should just do my homework, since it counts as a solid 65% of my grade.
In Symphonic band, 20 out of the 70 members are almost surely quitting, and we are losing 13 more to seniority. I am a pretty serious band geek, and I must admit, that I am fed up with our director's constant pestering. For example, if a soloist messes up during practice, in addition to the humiliation already cast on him/her, Stegner sits there and lectures them about the importance of practicing. This is particularly obnoxious when we are sight reading a piece. Another example, I play clarinet, I enjoy playing clarinet, I just got a new clarinet, Stegner wants me to switch to Bassoon now. Another thing about band now is the plain old fashioned, completely annoying, sickening amount of drama. Oh. My. God...you wouldn't even believe, I never even thought people could produce this much CRAP, it's like a frikkin soap opera, I mean for God's sake!
You will have to excuse me, this is currently my outlet for venting.
Essentially, I'm tired of girls, I'm tired of Stegner's shittiness, I'm tired of drama, and I'm tired of school and homework. I have my learners permit test coming up on April 5th. I guess I have to study for that too. Alas I have pretty much cleaned my brain out. Perhaps I will start updating daily again. Later guys.
January 1st, Year? 2006
First of all HAPPY NEW YEAR! I don't feel like updating at all. 2005 sucked, I'm sure 2006 will too, and positively the years after that. Frankly I have nothing to complain about. Maybe I'm just tired. I'm sleepy...night.
December 24/25th, Year? 2005
Merry Christmas to all of you! (Or Happy Holidays to those of you who don't celebrate it!). It's actually the eve of Christmas, but in 15 minutes it will be the day of Christ! I'm actually in a hotel room right now, in Greensboro, NC. Were having our annual Christmas at my great uncle's house, and his house is already pretty full of guests.
I hope that everyone gets what they want, but please never forget the spirit of Christmas. Never forget your friends. Never forget your family. Take a minute and think of orphaned children, what they have to go through every year that they aren't adopted. Think of the children in poverty in poor countries. People who ask God for another day to live, not a new iPod.
I noticed that this year, less and less people are decorating their houses. I saw a pathetic amount of Chirstmas trees in windows. Peoples lives move faster every year. Eventually Christmas will become nothing but a brief exchange of gifts before people go right back to be that morning because up the upcoming stressful, fast paced week to come. New years? Who cares people will have to keep working. Another year will be nothing but another year of mindless, ordinary work.
I'm depressing MYSELF writing crap like that, I mean theres still hope right? Anyways sine its been an incredible time since I last updated I shall BLOG some. (And I still 7 more minutes).
Since nothing else is particularly fresh in my mind. I shall blandly recall my trip down here. Oh yes the boring-ness but I saw that most BEAUTIFUL scene EVER!
I was riding down Interstate 85 at about 5:30. We started to go across Falls Lake, right outside Durham. The sun was setting a golden orange directly across the lake. Lush cedar trees poked their trunks out of the lake, their outline showing against the sunset. The orange of the sun met the black of night in a spectrum of colors. The sky just above Durham was Duke blue (now I know where they got the color) and a thick layer of lime green light housed a bright planet of Venus. I had my camera, but I wasn't thinking to use it. Maybe if you ever go by the same place you may see what I was talking about.
There that wasn't so bad was it? I do remember my last week of school in 2005. It was 3 half days. We had exams and I was miserably sick. I am glad that I was sick then because now everyone else has that cold over Christmas. At least I got it out of my system early.
Well my friends! It is 12:05 AM on December 25, 2005. MERRY CHRISTMAS! OFFICALLY! Good night all. Best wishes!
December 12th, Year? 2005
I have just found out, that to the general population of my peers, I have the disposition of a crazed lunatic, and that I'm going to kill somebody in a jealous rage. How reassuring.
December 2th, Year? 2005
It was just one of those days today. One of those day that if I were a girl I would blame on PMS. One of those days that every problem you encounter is just hard enough to solve that it's more than mildly annoying. Should have known that when I woke up this morning and didn't have a damn clean thing to wear, that it was going to be one of those days. NOOO I couldn't just remember to put my clothes in the dryer last night. To further my wonderful dilemma (see? an oxymoron type of day) it was the coldest morning to date. There's absolutely nothing that I like more than waiting for 20 minutes at a bus stop in sub freezing temperatures with a damp sweatshirt.
That's all it was for every second of the day. Nothing major at all, except for one thing that I'm forcing not only into a small problem but I want to ground it out of exsistance. That is merely irrevelant, and is generating enough pure fury that if expressed in words would get banned by the FCC on a 2 AM, pay-per-view, NC-17 program. Of course maybe thats just because the FCC is retarded (start regulating your bum hole, oh wait the shit that comes out of it is better than the shit that comes out of your MOUTHS). We all know the government can't do anything without spending twice what it should cost to do. *cough*war*cough**cough*streetcleaners*cough*. Ok veering back onto course from my spontaneous spout of political opinions.
Rather than going into detail about every little rift in my day, I shall sum it up in one big-ass run-on sentance, and even include a vocabulary word. Slowly but surely my day managed to expunge every solemn ounce of happiness from my body. Oh great, back in that hole bereft of two very crucial things in life, light and air. So yes, allow me to throw some emo in here. I can't see and I can't breathe.
If you've read this far into my pit of complaints and rants. I commend your valiant efforts, but I am giving you another opportunity to cease. If I even decide to write a decent amount more, it will irrefutably be useless babel, pointless in affecting your relationship with me. So unless you really want to know more as I recall my recent days. Quit.
To talk about something slightly more positive (hey the last paragraphs weren't negitive per se) I will conjour a brief recollection of my first day of December. As usual it was GOOD because it was ODD (as in school terms), you almost can't spell good without odd, except that you actually can. SHHH QUIET! Nothing bad happened except that I forgot my lunch money but pshh, eating is for losers. That is SOOO yesterday, and today..and tommarow! Because I got GOLDFISH at the grocery store last night. Then I managed to leave them in the car so I have no carbs to munch on.
Anyways, there a summary of my past (past, past, p...p... with a P) two days in exsistance. If you read it, then I'm sorry that you had to expirience. I should goto just for making you go through that :(.
November 30th, Year? 2005
I know, I know. I need to update. SEVERELY. Unfortunately I am far too busy (ok LAZY) to actually sit down and talk about the random crap that has happened in my life. Thanksgiving is too long to write about so I'm just never going to write and entry about, besides, it wasn't very exciting.
Goodbye for now, maybe I'll opdate tommarow just because it will be DECEMBER! Favorite month ever. Christmas, New Years, New Years party with fireworks.
November 21st, Year? 2005
I decided to update, but it won't be a long one that's for sure. The main reason I haven't blogged lately is because nothing has happened. I was out sick Friday with a stomach bug. I went to see the Harry Potter movie that evening nonetheless, what a miserable expirence. At least the movie wasn't too bad. I was sick all weekend, nausea and all the other wonderful symptoms associated with stomach problems. A few of my friends think that I have an ulcer, but I doubt it. Of course, knowing my luck, I do, and it will wind up killing me. Darn, just when things in life are starting to get a little better. Ok, nothing has changed really, just my attitude. Life is all about how you view it.
A little treat for my loyal readers. If you have some spare time, I advise you to check out Bitey Castle. It's the home of an award winning flash animation series known as "Brackenwood." They are wonderful. The guy who solely creates them, Adam Phillips, is (or previously was) an object animator for the Austrailian branch of Disney. Need I say more? The order of the videos is:
- Bingbong of Brackenwood
- Bitey of Brackenwood
- Prowlies at the River
- littleFoot
The other two, Taken and hitchHikers are alright, but the four Brackenwood animations are phenomenal.
If you've talked to me in person or online in the past 6 hours, you probably already know about this because of my wild fandom ravings.
I've already compiled my Christmas list. My grandmother and great aunt collect them from me on Thanksgiving break. Pretty standard list for somebody my age and gender. Two video games, a new DDR pad, jeans, and hooded sweatshirts. Maybe I should swap out one of the PS2 games with a GBA game, my poor Gameboy, rotting away on my shelf due to a lack of new games. It's always been so handy to pass time on those long car and bus rides. I betrayed it.
DDR widthdrawl.
Alrightly I'm wrapping up this entry because I'm tired and my stomach hurts, besides I need to look up symptoms of uclers, last thing I want to die of is a hole in my stomach. ^.^ Later.
November 16th, Year? 2005
15th chair out of 16. Damn! Not last. The girl below me, DEFINATELY doesn't deserve to be there. She's an incredible player who just god a little nervous, that's why I hate this chair selection system. It's blah. If I was competing for a high chair, and had even attempted to practice the stuff, maybe I could have done better, but I don't care about where on the stupid stage I am. I don't need anymore stress, so I promised myself I wouldn't worry about it. Another dissappointment like not reaching the chair that I was aiming for could...really do bad things to me. I don't want that to happen. I promised myself that I would make myself happier, even if that means taking an apethetic stance on some things, don't get me wrong I love band, I'm a band geek, but I don't think what chair you are should effect your enjoyment of it, frankly if you don't like band; get out of it. ESPECIALLY symphonic, the thing that makes players better than anything else, is if they enjoy it. It really the most important thing.
November 15th, Year? 2005
Symphonic band chair auditions today = went as planned. Did horriblly, I have a great chance at last chair. We shall se come tommarow morning ^.^. Ill post more then, for now, LINEAGE II.
November 10th, Year? 2005
Teenage roller coaster = badly designed piece of shit. When I become a mechanical engineer, I shall attempt to rebuild it in a most effecient fashion. Ascends into heavens and performs a 12 mile drop into the depths of hell. Problem being it always takes 10 times as long to go up the hill as it does to come down.
I promised Chandler I wouldn't start or end this "with i want to kill myself or castrate myself or something like that". So I'll throw it in right here.
I want to castrate myself.
Unfortunately I have neither the money or the skills to perform this task, but at this point I have the balls to. No, but at home castrations run a small(only 100%) risk of infection. Definately rules that out.
So no, I won't castrate myself in any way shape or form.
Can you imagine the loveless bliss that would arise from it though? It gives me goose bumps just thinking about it. Or maybe because the temperate just dropped 15 degrees with the falling of the sun.
I thought things would get better starting Friday evening but I was wrong again. I'm wrong alot nowadays. On the good side, it's given me enough pure fury to run off 3 pounds in 2 days. Is that healthy? Probably just water weight. Hopefully.
I have some fun things for my loyal readers. First off I have a link to my idol's site. Envador's Cases.
Secondly I have a great way to spend 1 hour, 8 minutes, and 52 seconds.Anime Music Video Hell 3 - Motion Picture. Go ahead and watch, eat Google's bandwidth. Yeah theres some wierd somewhat perverted stuff, but it's anime what would you expect? Hilarious nonetheless.
I suppose that it for now.
November 6th, Year? 2005
New layout. Sorta supplements my last entry which you may have noticed, I didn't archive into the older entries page. Nothing really interesting has happened. I might blog later today.
[EDIT]
Today isn't over yet so perhaps I'll blog again. Things should really get better from here on because I'm not hiding anything anymore. No pressure right? I promised myself that I was going to change my attitude and I've done that. My aura is brighter. Something that I had forgetten in my haze of perpetual sadness, you have more energy when your happy. I still have my problems but I think I'm on the way to becoming a better person. I don't really want to change the good parts of me in the process, but it might not be possible not to. We'll see I suppose. So many people changing around me for so many reasons, maybe it's time for me to change too?
My net just went out again, retarded Comcast. Fiddling with the servers again I suppose.
Actually no it was my fault. Connection problem.
I'm bored of blogging, I'll finish later.
November 5th, Year? 2005
Sometimes things don't go your way, and eventually you get over it. Right? What about when things never go your way, things are always wrong? Who's fault is it? Is it fate at work, separating you from your hopes and dreams, or is it your own doing?
So many questions, but none of them can really be answered.
One thing is for sure though. My life is not going how I want it to. Normally this wouldn't be unusual, for things to go wrong, except that things almost never go how I want them to. Sometimes, they don't even go how I need them to. Is it just me expecting to much out of everyone else? I hardly expect anything from myself, putting forth no effort to help anyone, but I expect everyone else to do it instead.
Hypocritical or just normal? Last time I checked, there are plenty of peple out there who expect people to do everything for them.
Maybe it's just my view on life that's biasing my opionions and beliefes. Isn't it other people's responsibility to make things go your way?
No, I suppose it's all up to you to make your own life what it is. If things go wrong, then your supposed fix it yourself, but use support from others. When others make your life go wrong, it's up to you to make it right and if you choose not to, and to be miserable, is it really that bad? Maybe life can only be bad when you make it bad, life is what you make out of it.
Live it up.
Things have been almost as bad as they can get. I'm trying to keep in good spirits but it's hard. This is one of those times when I need friends for support, one of those times when I wish I had some friends. Friends = support, emotional stability. All those kids who go 'Columbine' and commit suicide don't have many friends because they can't make anything out of their lives, and have no emotional stability.
That's not me. I may not have many friends but I know what I want to do with myself. I know that only I can fix what goes wrong and that if I don't I will be miserable. I know that in order for things to go right, I need to MAKE them go right.
I may not have as many problems as the starving children in Africa, or the people in the Middle East getting pounded by natural disasters. Those people would do anything to be in my situation. In fact my problems seem mediocre compared to some others. Maybe some of my problems I can't help. Most of them though, I can solve with a little change of attitude.
I think it's time to drop the angst. There are other girls out there. There are fatter people. There are .... well there are so many things that you can't see if you don't have the right outlook on life.
Let's see if maybe, I can become another optimist instead of a being pessimist. Sure there are more optimists, but they are the ones who define the world. Those who believe are those who can.
Less-than three.
Here's my liberal related libertarian blog entry to become an optimist on the outlook of what we call life.
Goodbye this time with no hint of suicidalism.
November 3rd, Year? 2005
Started out the best week, and it's going out with a bang, being the worst week of my life that is. Amazing how one bad thing can undo 82375984782375847893579837985 good things.
Goodnight.
November 2nd, Year? 2005
BLAH! If you read that, great, if not, greater.
November 1st, Year? 2005
Day after Halloween + school = sugar high.
Sugar high + passing honors test = woahh.
woahh = random bouts of recyling, random picture taking, symptoms of ADD, and Zack being happy (imagine that).
As you can tell, it has been quite the week so far, it may only be Tuesday but if things keep going like they are I think I'll be alright. Let find a good place to start, this may be a long or short entry, depends on how lazy I am.
Saturday:
*Yawn* wake up the bright and early hour of 10:30. Get a shower. Dry clothes. Pick up John. Eat Burger King. Goto JRHS for VBODA. 1 Hour Bus Ride. Arrive at VBODA. Take pictures like crazy. Get in uniform. Smell the chicken noodle soup. Sulk some (not about the soup). Warm up with band. Go stand next to the field in utter anticipation. Nervous. Not nervous. Perform. Chill on the stands. Watch Hermitage's show. Clap. Freeze to death. Die some on the inside. Watch Bird's show. Find who your looking for. Die some more. Clap. Freeze some more. Fight Ryan for popcorn. Listen to ratings. Recieve straight I's. Cheer. Sprint back to the buses. Sit down and chill while everyone else gets into clothes. Listen to Fry family stories on the bus ride home. Find her. Die some more. Take John home. Eat Sheetz. Sleep.
Wow that was boring.
Sunday:
Wake up sometime. Freak out. Clothes. Shower. Get Jason. Goto Brians. Make Latin video. Freak out. Eat. Sleep.
Yesterday & Today:
Wake up. Goto new bus stop. Curse at daylight savings time for now it is light outside in the morning. Stress about English. English teacher never checks. Latin stuff in Latin. Flag football in gym. Scream at the QB for never throwing the ball to anyone besides 2 people. Get killed in flag FB. Eat 3 fries, a twinkie, and a chicken nugget for lunch. Goto band. Do nothing in band all period. (Cut to normal blogging).
Yesterday we simply watched the VBODA show in band, which took 15 of our 90 minutes. We had the entire rest of the period free, many people were using the time to study for the music honor's test. Basically if you pass all the parts of it, you can get a 5.0 as your GPA in band. I had no plans to take it until next year so I hadn't attended any of the numerous practice sessions, or the practice test. My friend was staying after to do it (it was after school) so I decided to give it a go, so I would know what to expect for when I took it. I took it, it was insanely hard for me, I managed to recall enough of the circle of fifths to get my major scales mostly right.
I looked at the flyer on the wall of the band room today were the scores were posted, and the required score to pass it was 50 out of 62 correct. I look next to my name expecting a twenty or something. 53. The stuck up side of my brain just clicked into place and I smirked. Somewhere in the back of my mind I had expected to pass it, but my logical part told me it was impossible. Music is something I have given myself credit for ever since districts. If there's one thing I'm good at, that's it. So anyway the next part is the playing test, which will coincide with the chair test. Still aspiring to be first chair but my logical brain is dispelling that aspiration. My goal at this point, since I got that much, is to finish it up and get that credit. With my super low score on the written part, I will have to do damn good on the playing test to get that credit. My guess is that I'll have to play at least good enough to make 10th chair, if not better. Who knows though? Today in band we played a bit then had like a party for getting the I's at VBODA. Plus it was Alanna's birthday, so W/E. I just walked around collecting Hawaiian Punch can's, crushing them, taking the openers off, then throwing then into a box to recycle. There was cake, cheese puff's, and cupcakes, well since I hate sweets most of the time (ok so I had 3 mini-Crunch bars for lunch today) I just had some cheese puffs. Well random people are bugging me for pictures. I have HW, and chore related crap to do. I shall blog again at a later time.
October 27th, Year? 2005
Ok, I had a better day today, I'm not crazy-insane depressed. In fact I was happy until 7th period today, not sure why, maybe I'm just bored of band (heaven forbid!). I'm not looking forward to math tommarow, we have a test, and I'm going to actually study because I'm doing pretty miserably in that class. Woah random mood swing, I sat here thinking for a minute or so and now I'm depressed. The quote ingnorance is happiness is o h s o t r u e. Yeah now I'm in one of those moods where I would rather be somebody else in the world, I bet you can't guess who *cough*. Now I'm tired, cold, warm, awake,. Offically in the random mood, WTFing crap two minutes ago I was like freaking depressed. Darn like quad-polar-ness. Yeah so I'm hungry because I basically didn't eat a lunch because the lines were incredibly long, I might go to like 7-Eleven and get a hot dog. My new song is "Just the Girl" by The Click Five. Yes it's a crappy emo-contemp rock song, definately not me, but the lyrics I can relate to in a way. Basically it's about being in love with a girl who you can't have.
I feel inspired to write an essay about nothing, I could put alot of emotion into it right now. Maybe I'll make a 'rants' page or something.
I'm smiling, not sure why, it's a rare sight nowadays. It's like to more you can't be with a person the more you fall in love with them, thus the more you get hurt. I'm beginning to hate the Yin (heart) side of myself, it hurts considering it's the female side, frankly Yang (mind) is looking better. Screw looking, it is better. Which is better, doing hardwork so you can become a millionare but a bachelor, or being in love, poor, and eventually heartbroken. I guess it depends how you look on life. I hate to be the anti-romantisist, but 5 million dollars or somebody I love. Forget girls I want money, nothing good comes out of love, but plenty of good comes out of money. Also though comes, unfortunately, gold-diggers. I guess in the end finanical stability and love have something to do with each other.
Our last day of band practice was today, after this there's a game, our last competition, then finally our last game. I can't decide if I'm happy or sad
So basically, right now I want to be an asexual rich bachelor. Oh yes, that is what I aspire to be, maybe I'll get castrated so I won't have any testosterone...........Well ..... Actually...... Nah...... WTF..... Girls aren't as bad I say they are, it's just proven that the second they are born they are born professional heartbreakers.
October 26th, Year? 2005
I have an awesome-wonderful-sweet-insane-crazy-miraculous-amazing tip for you guys.
Don't get born, living sucks.
I hate to be the cliche angsty teenager but it's true.
OK, that's my wise idea for the day. Later.
October 24th, Year? 2005
I haven't bothered to blog lately because things have been pretty crumbby. At least the past few days have been. Frankly, Homecoming was a huge waste of 5 dollars. I had a miserable time, I always do at dances. I somehow force my mood into the lowest pit of depression and misery you can find no matter how happy I was before I got there. I just wandered around aimlessly for 3 hours. I hardly danced, but that's no surprise. I spent most of the time outside stargazing or sleeping. It felt much better out there anyways, it got really hot on the dance floor, temperature wise. In fact, I was surprised at how 'clean' the dancing was most of the time. Some songs people got a little crazy but that's to be expected. There were alot of slow songs too, which was nice, it would have been alot nicer if I had a date though. Ah well, I act like this comes as a surprise. It was insanely cool and I should have had a great time but my mom was in the hospital, my friends crush was getting engaged to an ass who just bought that ring as a ticket into her pants, and worst of all to me......you know what I won't go there. Anyways run down was it was fun as all get out, but I didn't have any of it; annnnd stars are pretty; and my friend is freaking out; andddd Japanese food is expensive but good (I bought Aidan, John, and I's dinner, we went to Kanpai's, YUM [Aidan was John's date and both our rides]).
I just realized that by prom next year, I'll be able to drive, which would be convenient if I could get a date, which I won't.
I'm trying to teach myself Japanese because it's sweet.
Ah Homecoming game you ask. It was truely awesome. The Trojans were beating us by a point the entire game until the last minute and a half in which time we scored two touchdowns. Final score 24 - 13.
Oh, the situation with my mother? Friday evening she stopped by the hospital because she couldn't move her left arm at all. Turns out it was a 3 inch blood clot. After they had given her a huge load of blood thinner they let her make the trip to the highschool so she could tell me what happened and tell John's mom. I spent the weekend with John after that. She should be coming home today.
I am angry at the entire feminine half of this race. *Shakes fist at girls* Excluding Aidan because she's my second mom, my mom because she's my mom and any other girl who I've talked to since Saturday night, and Cole and Shany because they didn't do anything, everyone else, I am more than likely mad at you. They need a happy bunny for guys because they would make a small fortune off me right now. Actually I'm only mad at a few people, I don't know why I said I was mad at all the girls. Just like.....actually I have no particular number, but at least one is for sure. [Attention: Please disregard the previous paragraph it was very random, if you a girl and you reading this then I'm not mad at you because you aren't apethetic.]
I'm retarded, a total loser, an inconsiderate bastard, a fat blob, an unconfident pessimist, and just plain miserable to be around, it's a wonder I at least have the 5 friends I do. Can you tell that I have so much self-esteem at the moment. I have so much that it's falling out of my ears and......oh it's gone now.
October 15th, Year? 2005
Woo! I got my birthday present today, which was a new digital camera. Finally I can take pictures again. Last night was pretty sweet, we (as in my section) screwed up pretty bad right before the company front but frankly I could care less. I found myself unreasonablely angry at somebody that night, he didn't do ANYTHING, but I still was angry. Mya's dad is the funniest person on Earth. Homcoming is 7 days away! Most of my close friends are getting together and doing a "pwncoming" thing instead of homecoming. I wish they would have that as an afterparty or something. I want to goto both but I will almost definately goto Homecoming. Tickets are $5 to HC, well $10 with a date but I'll never need to worry about that. Well I'm bored of typing. Bye.
October 13th, Year? 2005
Hmm my week's been alright so far I guess. Nothing outstanding has happened. It has quite possibly been one of the most uneventful weeks to date. At least tommarow's Friday. Too bad it's an even day :S.
October 10th, Year? 2005
It's late I should goto bed, I figured a quick update wouldn't hurt. So my day? It was alright, nothing nice like a power outage today (I wish). It was an even (acedemic) day, so it was boring as usual. You guys would NOT BELIEVE HOW BORING EARTH SCIENCE IS! I should have taken Biology for more than a few reasons. Z level History is frikkin easy. It's killing the shit out of my GPA even with the A+ I have in there. A 4.0 is a bit painful. I should go for the Band honor's credit to boost my GPA some. I think my interims was like a 3.6 or something. Not horrible but I wan't at least a 4.0 for report cards. God school, I'm either a lazy ass making F's and D's or getting pissed off because I got a 4.0 and not like a 4.5 or 5.0 in a class.
I'm liking how easy Math this year is, Geometry is alot easier so far than Algebra was, even though so far that's all we've been doing is Alegbra. It's also nice having a good teacher. Mrs. Vancleef was so boring that it's ridulous. Mr. H. is actually funny, not to mention a lazy bum. Which is not an admirable trait, but certainly a useful one to have in a teacher. I want to go for getting the same SOL scores in Science (which is not going to be easy, I absolutely loved my Science class last year, I had the best teacher, Mrs, Younger) and History (I don't even get why I scored so high in this subject, I sucked in the actual class grades, and it was absolutely BORING). This year I want at least a 550 in Math. The problem is the lasier the teacher, the worse the kid's SOL scores. We'll see come May. I'm NOT going to stress over those things, there are always so easy (they're untimed, the SAT's are easy except for the timed part) and they don't really matter anyways.
It's pouring rain so that means lights out for me. It's easier to sleep in the rain IMO. Goodnight.
October 9th, Year? 2005
New layout. It's not as...happy...better fits my mood. Whatever. The last one was getting old anyways. New sidebar subsection. Resources has old entires in it, and eventually I'll post other stuff there too.
[EDIT] Figured I would write something since nobodies on IM or anywhere else for that matter. I'm (again) waiting for my clothes to finish washing so that I can throw them in the dryer and go to sleep. I'm actually somewhat happy right now. I just listen to the Emo Kid (DON'T HOTLINK IT!!) song. It's hilarious. That song will always cheer me up. It's one of the like 5 things that always can. It's hard to blog when I'm emotionally stable, there's nothing to rant about. I guess I'll just recall my weekend.
I felt like the worst kind of horrible shit Friday night, so I did something that I would never consider doing otherwise, (and no it wasn't drugs or anything even close to that, in fact it wasn't illegal or harmful to me at all) but I'm not going to elaborate. Needless to say though, it cheered me up eventually and let me sleep Friday night. Now that I look back, it may not have been the wisest thing to do if I want to maintain a stable social life. Not that I have one anyways, but I definately might not even have one after that. We shall see what the effects are.
Saturday was pretty sweet, I went to a Halo 2 LAN party for like 8 hours at Eric's house. It was Tim, Daniel, Zach M, Me, Eric, Ian, Evan C, and Chris A. Afterwards we palyed night tag up at the nearby elementary school's baseball field. That was fun, but I couldn't catch anyone besides Evan and Chris, definately couldn't catch Ian.
Today? I did absolutely NOTHING, except sleep and sit around all day. There wasn't much to do :S. I made this layout...and that's about the most productive thing I've done all day.
I have school tommarow. Worse though, it's an even day. They're are all my acedemics. English, Science, History, and Math. Boring to say the least. My interims weren't bad, but I would have liked to do better, it's the first interim, we have like two grades in every class, I should have made straight A's.
I talked to the imfamous Paul B on AIM today because nobody else but Eric was on. He didn't seem too egar to talk to me, in fact he was a little rude. I don't think he's all he's cut out to be. But hey what's 3 words mean towards a person's real personality? I'm not sure I would want to talk to somebody who I hardly knew either. First impresions are seldom the best ones, you should give everyone a second chance.
Well clothes are done, recalling my weekend has made me even more blissful than I already was. This is the best I've felt in weeks, let see if it last on to tommarow. I doubt it, just thinking about school and everything surrounding it depresses me. Rightttt then..
October 7th, Year? 2005
Another bad day in the land of Crapville USA. Yeah Crapville doesn't exsist I know, it's my nickname for my life. I love my life, I like to give it hugs and blast it with RPG's. Crap, crap, crappppy! I'm listening to the Everything Sucks song, because its the only thing I trust right now, that the name of that song is true. Drama, blah, blah, blah.
Screw homecoming, screw it all. I don't care if it's just a dance. I don't care if I'm over reacting. You know what I just don't care anymore! Caring...haha I used to believe in that word. After all this it turns out it's just another damn word people use to say that they do something they don't. I'm not going to lie like everyone else, I DON'T CARE! I'm going on a caring hiatus and never coming back!
[EDIT] My best friend in the entire frikkin' world, and there's just about 3 things that could kill our relationship and he did at least two. He broke tons of the unspoken rules of guy friends and he doesn't even care what he's doing to me. So very nice of him. Now he's too cool to say hi to me because he's too busy flirting. He's changed and maybe not for the better. I would be happy if he got into a relationship, but why couldn't it be with one of the other billions of people. He complains that I'm always in a bad mood but he's oblivious as to the reason. I wonder, could it be? Nahh. Look I know it's not exactly a choice, wow I know all too well, but he has no idea what he's doing to me. If he did he wouldn't be doing it. I've never felt so fucking depressed in my entire life. I don't want to compete with you, that's why I'm not trying. This is, however, the most present type of betrayal. A betrayal of the heart. [/EDIT]
October 6th, Year? 2005
Well today wasn't so bad I guess. The power was out for like half of the day so we didn't do alot. I have almost NO homework except for a Latin quiz tommarow, which is on grammar, which I have down pretty well. I'm strangely tired, the rain does that to me, tommarow night's buddy night, it might get cancelled though. I really want to get it out of the way now so its not the night before homecoming because that would suck!
There's so much drama. I hate drama as you well know. I'm starting to get into myself some, as much as I loathe the topic.
I'm offically going to the dance with Joe! I'm not gay or bi or anything, it's a joke. We're definately going to be punchbowl buddies. Ha watch us be standing around at senior prom like losers. I bet Joe will get a date, just not me.
Too bad there's not a Sadie Hawkins dance at our school. Well at least with the conventional way I won't feel bad that I'm not going with anybody because I never asked anybody. I guess it's good in a way.
I got this sweet new chair for my room from Target for 12 bucks. It comfy as crap, if I had a camera I would post pictures.
Ben Charles Jr. has entered James River. There's this eigth grade kid who made snare on drumline, Rapid Fire percussion feature, and can play Temporal Relativity remarkably well. He's pretty cool, at least after all that hes not acting like an asshole and going around bragging about his acomplishments.
You know what is scary, Steggy know more about teenage relationships then all us teenagers do. He surprisingly active in the band kid's personal lives. Not bad for a 60 year old man, not bad at all. I'm not so positive I would want him to know everything about me and all that crap though. I definately wouldn't confide in him either, thats just weird, and besides he would do whatever it takes to divert distractions from your view. Whatever the distractions may be. I'm starting to get excited for homecoming, I mean it is after all the first high school dance I've been to, I have no idea what to expect.
I definately know that I'm typing to a brick wall here
*Taps glass* If you reading this then your weird.
I'm really tired from listening to the rain drizzle maybe I'll go take a nap or something, either way I need to study for that quiz tommarow.
October 5th, Year? 2005
Today was my birthday and it wasn't exactly an ideal day. It wasn't bad though I suppose. It was cool I had people from the Regiment who I didn't even know by name come up and wish me a happy birthday. Usually I'm the one who knows their name and they don't know mine. I have a good memory like that. Except when it comes to the actual names. It feels cool that people actually know me now, I mean it's a really cool feeling. I'm happy but I'm a little depressed at the same time, I haven't been not depressed for a while now. It like I have 2 layers of emotions and the bottom layer is always depressed and the top changes around, happy, hyper, etc. It's sort of annoying. Well I have a bit of homework to do, so I'm going to get it done and then just chill.
[EDIT]
How come it's so easy for you to drive me crazy?
BTW Ian your a backstabber. I'm not particularly happy with you. OH well I guess it can't be helped. The Pillows music is quite effective at drowning everything else out. I decided to make a Pillows layout for my blog, it's pretty cool I guess, maybe I'll have Blues Drive Monster playing in the background, wow is that a great song. Or One Life, thats another good one. What could be better than Japanese emo sounding bands from 1989? Not alot, correct! Next question...Ok never mind.
I'm simply ranting mindlessly because this music is in a sense inspiring. I write very well listening to this type stuff, as opposed to classical which works pretty good too. That is with the exclusion of the ranting part. Rant, rant, rant. Sometimes, when I'm writing this I feel like I'm typing to an audience that's not even there. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to make an online diary and password protect it via the .htaccess method. That would be a great way to vent and express my feelings for my own personal reference, and I can update it wherever I go! Maybe if your lucky I'll give you the password, I doubt it, the one person why I would have given it to backstabbed me in a way. God dude, I know you can't really help it but it hurts. I'm not super pissed at you, just dissappointed in you, at least you consulted me, if you hadn't done that; I don't know what may have happened.
Wow, my fingers are just flying on their own. I'm pretty happy, Grace and Eric made my day with the Coffee shirt and the "i luv u" thing, oh wow that just makes me laugh beyond recognition.
Joe, it's offical, you and I are obsessive and will undoubtably be punch bowl buddies. I can't wait! I bet HC tickets are going to be outrageously expensive like 15$ or something. I've been hearing 10$, but I have no idea. I wonder what the theme will be, hopefully not something too formal. There's no way I'm going to able to go if it's a coat/tie thing.
I really hope I can get my new camera before HC (it's tenative release date is the 15th, and homcoming is the 22nd). Dance pictures are the BEST! I remember the 8th grade formal ones, that was a sweet night indeed. Oh and for all you of my circle of friends, I have no regrets about not dancing. You should see this picture I have of Ian, and he says he doesn't care, but it's truely ridiculous! Joe! You and that scar that I edited out with my sweet skills. Eric's nose. Christian and his weirdo jean jacket. Ryan and his preist outfit. Grace with the kimono thing. Janet with the assain suit. Mark and the casual clothers. Mark doing the electric slide. Eric L. sitting alone. Eric's nose again. Wow I forgot how hilarious these were! Man you guys need to see the 8th grade party pics. I took a disposible becuase by that time my camera was broken :(. I got doubles of everything though. I scanned a bunch into the computer. You guys are the best.
I'm feeling very random...Soda day, inside jokes, the LAN parties, Sneaky Mark, tailgate party stories, mobster a, oh wow everything that's happened. These have been some of the best years of my life. At the same time they were some of the worst.
My moods are swinging around like a pendulum on crack. I ate HOPS tonight, I had this chunky steak. It's was good, and low carb. I swear I will die of a heart attack before fatness!!!!! I've lost 6 pounds in 2 weeks. I'm getting there. Slowly but surely, thats just about the one thing I cna thank my hormones for, me growing and burning calories by sitting on my butt and doing nothing. Everything else though, well I could do without them for that crap.
SPAZZZZZZ
I really want that camera, for the past 5 months I've been going through camera withdrawl, I see all these great pictures and I have no camera. I also need an iPod, but photography is more important than music to me. Far more important. Well I'm tired and have a headache from all this mindless ranting. Oh now I'm happy again. Cool! If I go to bed happy I might have a dream where I'm not having my heart torn to shreds. ^.^ ^.^ ^.^ ^.^ ^.^ ^.^ ^.^ ^.^ ^.^ ^.^
October 4th, Year? 2005
What a wonderfully crappy assed day. I'm tearing myself up on the inside. It's ridiculous in a way unfathomable. I'm and pissed off to a degree unimaginable. My emotions are stacking on top of each other like they are pennies paying for a house. The world can die, I can die, somebody needs to die, death, destruction, mayhem, I'm starting to sound like Mark, Mark when hes angry, which is a scary sight indeed. Life sucks. The part of your brain that attracts you to induvidulals of the opposite (or same) sex is utterly useless. It's crappy, I hate it, go away heart go away! I'm going to find mine and stab it violently with a knife so I can find peace.
I don't want to think about you anymore, I don't want to associate in any way with you anymore, damnit just get out of my head. It's been a shitty 3 years thinking about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
October 2nd, Year? 2005
Well I killed us at Charlottesville Saturday. I mean really killed us..like -.3 points killed us, major stuff. 30 minutes before show...my instrument won't play and there are no obvious problems. 15 minutes before show, instrument still won't play and were down another clarient from heat exaustion. 2 minutes before show, instrument isn't playing, I won't be able to play at all. During the show I make 4875987345 mistakes including missing the company front completely. Our score, 88.7 - winning score Battle Creek, 88.9. Yeah .3 more points and we would have won our final competition. I made us loose, we didn't win first place because of me and only me.
What a WONDERFUL day!
Just think, if I hadn't have been there, we would have won, definately would have won. It should have been me on that ambulance having a heat stroke (btw Julie was OK, she never got to heat stroke point I don't think) not Julie, because we would have actually won it. Do you know how hard thats going to be to live down. It's like being the weakest link, but worse because I'm the weakest link made out of 100 year old rusted iron about to break from my suckage-ness. Gorramit! (to quote Serenity and Firefly). If I don't get kicked out tommarow for killing our score then I'm probably going to quit. Man if I hadn't been there...
Maybe I'm getting to into it, it's the only thing close to a team I've ever been on. Now everyone understands why I never played team sports, why I never work well with other people. I just can't do it, my ideas are too farfetched and unconventional and just plain different than most people. Wether they are better or worse isn't important; they are different and I linger too much on them. I'm too firm on my opinions and ideas and I have the need to be different. There's only one way to describe it.
I am a loner.
I've just can't work as a team, and marching band is very much a team, but you have to be even closer then that to be great, you have to be like a family almost. I just can't do it, I can't bring myself to trust others that much, people are just too hurtful, too hateful. There are so many things, problems, emotions, rumors, tears, and just plain conflicts with teams and groups. I've been hurt too many times to be a part of that crap again, it's just to painful. I don't want to be a part of it anymore, already I've had my fair share of rumors spread and crap like that, just plain old
drama
Drama sucks.
Of course with bad times comes good ones, oh wow the good times, Jake's family stories are amazingly hilarious, and some of the people are wonderful, they actually are like family to me. To them I'm not just another face in the band. It feels special to be a part of something, I've never had a shirt for being in an organization like that before. I've never been in anything like it that I needed one. I love that shirt. It's ridiculous, I'm washing it now, I'm going to wear it tommarow, I wore it Saturday and Thursday too, its been washed like 30 times already. Some of the most important people to me are in that band. In fact all the peers that are truely important to me are in that band, except for maybe the Ian/Eric crowd.
Regardless of the bad times and the good it's for sure that in the grand scheme of things I'm worthless to it though. Like it or not, regardless of what others think, i am just another face in the band, nothing special about me, like so many others. When it comes to the less understanding peers (lack of a better word) the phrase "Marching Band" refers simply to the drumline, which is a key part of the band and really can get everyone pumped up. People get so caught up in what the drums are doing the just sort of phase us out. Why join marching band in the first place if not for peer recoginzation? Well there are alot of reason, alot I have my heart set on, including one that I literally(literally in an emotional manner, not physical) have my heart set on. For one it gives this special gratification that no other achievement can, neither academic nor athletic. So many reasons, so little time.
Still despite all this there is no doubt that I have permantly hurt the marching band for the worse and it was completely my fault. Call it distraction, not paying attention, whatever. I missed that move and made the band look bad, no beyond bad, terrible and if I do it once I'm bound to do it again.
September 30th, Year? 2005
In my mind it was a pretty crappy week. Keep in mind though, that I redifine the word pessimistic. I had seats re-arranged in math today but I sat alone anyways so it really doesn't bother me at all. In fact I laugh at the people complaining about it. *Laughs* That class is fun, it's what makes my even days somewhat fun. Keyword...somewhat. I have many stories to tell so sit down, and tell Ian to stop IMing me so I can type! Ok!
Well I forget just about all of what happened this week...
Crap!!!! I can't remember a single thing....
HMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Thursdays band rehersal was long and boring. Back-to-school night presentation was utterly useless. I felt like crap all day Thursday and of course had a long day that day. They gave us pizza but I was alseep while they were serving it so I didn't get any, I'm a tad tired of it anyways. This is a boring straightforward entry is it not? Yes it is.
NEWSFLASH
Ian has just informed me that my mobster name is Mickey Big Foots.
Back to Thursday. Blah blah boring, blah, blah I learned how to do some guard rifle moves from Aidan. Why our drum major knows guard moves the world will never know. 127 licks to the center.
Oh and today, today is Friday I think. Today was another retarded even day. I have to get up at like 7:15 to go to JRHS so I can ride a charter bus to Charlottesville for another competition. Joy. I'm utterly tired of typing, since I hate trying to remember stuff to blog. Wow I'm feeling spontalicious. (We have this stupid thing in Math to do over the weekend "just for kicks" where we use 5 made up words in a paragraph. Why? I do not know. Helberg is one screwy man.)
September 28th, Year? 2005
It's ridiculous how confusing girls are. In fact confusing is not the right word, it isn't strong enough. Maybe crazy-insane-impossible-to-predict would fit better. Of course this is certainly a stereotypical issue to discuss, and I swear they are doing it on purpose to let us be confuzzled so they can laugh at our stupidity. I just had a revalation.
The reason men are idiot and think with their lower brains is because they've killed the normal brain trying to figure out the opposite gender.
Of course there are some born without the first brain and are only capable of thinking with the hormone related one. Your right, I'll drop it.
As promised in the previous entry, here are some pictures. A ridiculous amount of them. Enjoy!
This has been a boring and uneventful week so far, except for a few things mostly related to girls confusing me, that I don't care to elaborate on. I'm a tad depressed knowing the girl I like is potentially running after another guy (no nothing has happened, it's just a hunch, don't assume just shut up and read), but I should be getting over this jealous thing sooner or later. Yeah I definately will. Yes. Hopefully. Maybe. Probably not. No. I won't get over it. I just suck at life like that lol. I just said 'lol' on my blog, that was retarded but the backspace key is too far away. Lol. Crap, did it again.
Ahh wtf? Omg annoying. Stcu! lol! omg go awy! ack typo d-m0n.
That was refreshing. I'm tired I jogged like a mile today after school for no reason. I guess it was because I was in the 'mood' (I call it "Man PMS" but I know it nothing like real PMS, I don't need a lecture from you girls) and I don't have and computers to build, and my room is already clean from last time. The band director had an extra bassoon for me to play. That is a VERY good thing. Holy crap I am an uber band geek, I know but what can I say. Not much...Exactly...Yeah I don't get me either....I just suck at life like that lol. Crap!
September 26th, Year? 2005
Hmm 2nd place overall and 1st place in "AAAAA" (pronounced 'five-ey' class) class. Not bad. We also won the Best General Effect award. I'm trying rip the DVD right now so I can pause and screen shot and that type stuff, I would put it online except that is 900 Megs and .VOB format, which is a curious format, but my ATi file player plays it. I shall be back with screens from our show at a later time.
September 24th, Year? 2005
I have a contest today >.< >.< . I needeth to leaveth at like 2 PM today (its 11 sharp for reference). Let just go and win first place already.
September 22nd, Year? 2005
I manage to make everyone mad at me. It's un-freaking-canny. Didn't know bad mouthing the colorguard would piss the drum major off, or...well I know that my dumb snide remarks can make a bunch of people angry, but it seems like whenever I'm in a bad mood I turn everyone I know against me because I act like an ass. God I suck at life. Period. Am---azing, and not like the candy bar at all.
Let's sing the world sucks song! Oh you don't want to? I'm a loser? OK. I won't sing it then. The week was terrible, 98 percent of it was spectacularly.......BAD. So much crap that if I wrote it down I would get mad and kill this ball of tin foil, OR I would make this site spontaneously conbust from the crappiness of my week. It's just been...........................ugh! There were some good times but they have been drowned in the misery of the rest of my week.
September 17th, Year? 2005
{EDIT} - Joe says it best:
deminerd: i seriously want to ask somebody to homcoming but why bother?
JoeG29**: hey zach if we both fail and dont get ppl to go with us we can go alone and be punchbowl buddies.....
JoeG29**: ahahah i kill me
That is the best way to describe the inevetable over the next four years. Rejection. Joe will get a date and I will have to be punchbowl buddies with myself :(. Very funny Joe, very funny indeed.
*=Wildcard Character
{/EDIT}
I feel inspired, like I should be doing something on my only free weekend/Saturday off until early November *points at calender below*.
I need to get cracking on my All-District scales, I'm going to be disappointed no matter how I do unless it's first chair symphonic, yeah I know, impossible. If at least I make symphonic as a freshman, that would still be pretty good. I never knew what I was capable of doing until districts last year. I still think my one burst of luck (which I hardly believe in) happened at that time. That was a very good day for me. I got to talk to Asdf for hours and we both did good on districts.
It was funny, I've told very few people this but going there last year was literally a last second decision. I registered with Mr. P at Robious on the deadline day during the last few seconds of class. I had a spare 5 dollars in cash so I decided to give it a shot. I went that day without despair in how I was going to do because I was so sure that I wasn't going to make it. I went for a few reasons that I will keep to myself, but a main one was because what else was I going to do on a Saturday in the middle of December. It was a short-sleeves day oddly enough, I remember that well.
Haha I remember riding around the historical parks and stuff down there, we got home at about 5:30 and we went to the VBODA webpage. "Middle School Audition Results for 2004 Now Up" was on the page. We clicked it and at this point my mom was scrolling madly down to the Clarinet section. We started at the bottom and as we neared the top she stopped and said "I'm sorry, oh well there's always next t-" The name on the page stopped my mother's words cold. I have no idea what possesed the Judges to call me the best clarinetist in the district, but wow were they stoned as hell when they did it. Ok, my chair was all fine and dandy, but there was somebody else who I wanted to know about even more. Asdf.
10th chair, phew, so she did pretty darn good. After all that ranting about how bad she was going to do and how miserablely she did the previous year. I swear that girl is way to modest. My mom was freaking out and running around the room dialing phone numbers already, I was sitting down on a chair next to the computer smiling the biggest smile I'd ever smiled, but I uttered the words.
"She made it."
I was the happiest I'd ever been, but it wasn't for myself.
The actual districts turned out to be pretty fun, but it was alot more work than I had expected. I'm severely glad I didn't have a solo, the first chair floutist did, that would have just plain sucked. Josh made 4th chair baritone, thats impressive for a seventh grader, I wouldn't be surprised at all if he made 1st or at least 2nd this year, he might go for High School band though. I'm utterly surprised Ellen (flute) and David (alto) didn't make it, they are both very good. I was surprised at the number of seventh graders trying out this year, and even MORE surprised at how many made it. The most surprising thing though, is that the second chair clarinetest, was a seventh grader, just think, if I hadn't been there, she would have made first! Thats extremely impressive. Her teacher is making her do Senior (high school) tryouts this year, making 1st chair in Junior band would be a breeze for her.
I am already anxious for tryouts this year, to get an idea of how I compare to the other high school kids. Thats was a cocky comment wasn't it? I'm getting a bit tired of rambling and I feel like this who entire entry was just a hugr ass bragging expidition.
September 15th, Year? 2005
I know, I know, the last entry was crazy long, but I sorta wrote it for a record for myself. A day I want to forget but can't so I might as well remember all of it right? Lets just say that today was ALOT better than yesterday, well as good as band camp can be at least. It was an off day for me, I was messing up left and right and couldn't play anything. My shoes were melting, if that says anything. I still haven't lost any weight, after all this marching and crap, not a single pound. In fact, I've gained a few pounds. The season isn't even close to over and I'm getting tired of this whole routine already, at least we don't have to goto the away game tommarow night, I might still go anyways though. I still don't know what happened with the fake person asking Asdf out saying it was me deal was. I hope I will figure it out its eating me up not knowing, I want to wallop on whoever it was.
Districts are going to be a pain in the arse this year, chromatic is about the same, but there are alot more scales and the practice piece is going to be hard, I don't know if I will be able to do it. I'm determined to make it by my Sophmore year at least. It would be excellent if during my Senior year I made it to state band, that is the ultimate form of wishful thinking, we have alot of competition from the rich kids in northern Virginia, 90 percent of the band is damn yuppies from the DC area. I'm tired of typing and just plain tired, I'm just gonna chill the rest of the day, it's too bad its not Friday :S.
[EDIT]: It's 10:50 and I'm waiting for my clothes to finish washing so I can chuck them in the dryer and then hit the sack. I was looking back on my middle school career now that I'm in high school. How much better I could have done, it's over and done and the lessons have been learned but I just can't help but be angry when I think about everything I said and did.
Take Sarah Johnson for example, she asked me to the fall dance in 6th grade, I was exurberant (this is before I got fat). I wasn't interested in girls one little bit, we were just friends. I was so nervous about that night and it turns out she couldn't come. I talked to her the next day and for the rest of the year we sort of stopped talking. I guess she thinks I was mad at her. I got her a gift over the summer between 6th and 7th, but I never gave it to her. By the time I actually hit puberty and became interested in the girl that I still today like, I forgot all about Sarah. It's divinely horrible to way it must have made her felt. Now that I've expirienced heartbreak and love and the whole 9 yards of teenage romance, I know how she felt. In eighth grade she had a weird mullet haircut and I just sat around and listened to her get made fun of because of it. I should have said something, I'm such an asshole, I suck. How come I could never get up and stand up for myself or other people, why did I sit around and take that shit.
WHY DO I STILL DO IT? WHY DON'T I STAND UP FOR WHAT'S RIGHT? BUILDING UP THIS UNHEALTHY RAGE THAT IS TURNING ME INTO A VIOLENT MONSTER ON THE INSIDE! IT'S MAKING ME DO STUFF LIKE WRITE OUT ELABORATE HOMICIDE PLANS AND OTHER SHIT! I'M NOT A BAD PERSON! I'M NOT A BAD PERSON! STILL KILL, KILL, KILL IS GOING THROUGH MY HEAD. Now jealously is added to the mix of hormonal emotions, I can study humans and what makes us tick and all of this other shit, but I can NOT figure out what causes these emotions, love, loathing, happiness, WHAT CAUSES IT? WHY CAN'T I CONTROL THEM? WHY WON'T THEY GO AWAY?
I don't want to hurt anybody, I don't want to feel like this, I want to be a happy person, I want to be a good person. These questions that keep you up at night, washing clothes that you don't need to wash, why am I writing this? Out of guilt that I fell in love with another girl than the one who liked me. I have a picture that I took that has Sarah and the girl I like in it, right next to each other. It's a HORRIBLE FEELING. Seeing the person who broke your heart AND the person who's heart you broke at the same place, same time. Life is just no fun. It's really true, seize the moment, never be afraid to stand up for whats right, NEVER. Never hesitate especially when it comes to love, never stop thinking about how the actions you take will affect the people who care for you. Never give up on yourself, so many things to do and not do, what are we supposed to do with our lives. We all want perfect lives, but we all screw up, does that make us bad people, when we mess up?
During all that family life crap that I already knew, they NEVER told me that on September 15th, 2005 at 11:06 PM that I would be writing this random rant about teenage years. They never told me that these questions, guilt trips, othercrap like that would appear. In fact they didn't tell me much besides, safe sex, penis, breat, and abstinence. Then they said it again for 3 more years. Deoderant, all that other crap. Well what about this? Sex is the LAST thing on my mind right now, and I think that many would agree, there are other things to being a teenager than being a smelly, hormonal (horny) asswipe. Even though that IS most of it. Clothes are done. Cya tommarow.
September 14th, Year? 2005
It has been quite the week so far! Things are just ALL messed up! Monday was a normal day so let me just skip over that!
Tuesday:
It was an odd day so I had my easy classes all day. Latin was a bit hard but not really and gym was a blast, since its only the second week we just sat and talked and played block dude the whole time. At lunch I actually managed to get through the line in time to eat (thats a first :0 ...and a last :| ), and I actually got to talk to my friends *gasp*. It all started during band though.
We went outside to practice marching band music after watching a video of ourselves from Friday night (just for your own knowledge, we stunk, particularly me). During the video and while outside I felt more eyes on my than usual, this feels weird to me because I'm a loser and nobody ever notices I exist. I kept catching people looking at me (to end the suspense, I did not have anything on my back or anything wrong with my appearance) and laughing (or giggling [girls] and chuckling [guys] is should say) while the stared at me. Still odd. Finally, before after school practice began (at about 2:15, its starts at 2:30) a source (who will not be named because they ?may? have been sworn to secracy) told me the reason. Heres roughly how the conversation went:
Person: I need to talk to you privately real quick..
Me: What...ok
*Walking, walking, J and D (my friends) are nosy and follow.*
Me:Ok? what is it?
Person: It's going around that you asked Asdf (I took off her name because I'm sure you stalkers would love to know!) out on AIM last night...
[Some Notes: I would never ask anyone out (period :D), or tell then I like them while online. Sure its easier, but its not very romantic and it's a relationship KILLER, my first thoughts were, "how could she?!" starting off this conversation with a broken heart.]
Me: WHAT?!? I NEVER DID THAT!
Person: Yeah I didn't think so...maybe somebody was posing as you...
Me: Thats almost impossible unless they used the old "Hey its Zack, this is my second account" trick. (Which is foolproof to an extent I guess, but jeez.)
Person: I don't know but everyone thinks you like her now..
Surrounding people: What about Asdf and Zack?
[This would be a great time for a hole to hell to open up, oh wait it was open and I was in it.]
Me: NOTHING! GO AWAY!
Faint Voice:Get to set one!
*Everyone runs off*
Saved by the Stegnersaurus, I never thought I would be so happy to start drill. Well I wouldn't be so happy in a second. I stood between a section leader, Yuj (more fake names) and another person, Feth (another one). Well Feth is good friends with Asdf. well those two and another friend of Asdf's were all hunched down and laughing and Yuj was "aww"ing. Still not sure if it had something to do with me, but it probably did.
Drill went on for about an hour and we had to stop to get yelled at, everyone could tell this was going to be a long lecture so we all put our instruments down. Impulsively I looked towards Asdf and D (D is a girl BTW). What else would they be doing but TALKING ABOUT ME. They were shooting holes in me with their eyes. I looked away and started looking at the nearby tennis courts but I kept my concentration on them without moving my eyes. A daunting task for as long as they decided to look. I couldn't believe D was backstabbing me! J (a guy BTW) was alot closer to them and mouthed the words "D and Asdf are talking about you." He had to repeat it thrice but I got it and mouthed back "DUH!" Ouch.
At break I chased D down and pounced on her to tell me what she said, she was talking something about telling Asdf that the giggling bothered me and that Asdf knew that it wasn't me. Yeah whatever. I told her I would talk to her after rehersal.
Blah, blah hour and a half.. FINALLY rehersal is over and hopefully I will get the resolution to my story. Well that would have to wait, amist my rejoicing I failed to notice Asdf talking me. She said something about that she was dying from this heat and I rudely mumbled something about how it was because of her long sleeves and then she said something about not having a change of clothes. She turned around and ran in the opposite direction that I was going. I continued my automatic journey to pick up distant garbage, all the while thinking and interpreting why and the crap she was talking to me. From what I've noticed, people who ask her out, she almost never talks to again, even though it wasn't me who asked her out, I still felt that our relationship was over.
There wasn't a trashcan in site. I had my clarinet and a handful of trash. I spotted her having trouble with the drum major's podium. I reached her location and unlatched and flatted out the podium to make it ready to carry. She said something about begin fast and I mentioned that I had to take one of the podiums in. I walked over the the big podium where E (a guy, freshman incase your wondering) was struggling to get his closed, it is indeed a huge podium. I helped him close it and thrust my clarinet and trash at him saying that I had to do it anyways. He quickly ran across the parking lot (football field, a daunting task, considering he was almost back to me by the time I finished folding the podium. Asdf was going slowly with hers and I quickly caught up, I said something about how pushing it was easier, and she acknoledged it, but never did take my advice. My hands were already throbbing and I wasn't even halfway there yet. I came in contact with nothing interesting on the way back with the podium so I will skip that part.
Podium put away I spotted J, D, and M (a friend/clarinet section leader) talking up near Stegnersaurus's stand/podium. I bound across the band room and reached D, I started going on about what Asdf and her said. She remphazized the part about Asdf knowing that it wasn't me. She mumbled something about how before Asdf knew it wasn't me she turned "me" down, I felt my pupils dialate. I told her to elaborate on that, she said she couldn't. Alright I wantedneeded to know something and I was going to find out. I, along with a select few know D's greatest weekness, shes incredibly tickleish, yes I know a flirty way to do things but don't be mistaken, shes J's crush and a junior so I can't exactly have feelings for her. M wandered off for some reason, he does that.
D finally opened up and told me. "Shhh you can't repeat this but the reason she turned you down is because someone else likes her. [Huh?] And she might like him back [Oh...]." She told me who it was. I couldn't decide to be angry or what. This kid is pretty cool, hes a sophmore though, don't know why hes going for the younger girls, damn him. I mentioned how if they start going out that there might be a death in the band. I spotted the two of them together, maybe D was right. On the other hand maybe she was wrong. I'm not going to elaborate on this anymore, I know a bit more (I think) but I don't want to hurt D and Asdf's relationship, and NO it's not because I want a spy. This particuar topic, I just had to know everything about it and D understood. I went home and cleaned, then I cleaned some more. Yeah, I was definately depressed and angry. I also built a computer, eventually I had a clean room and a new computer for it.
Oh today?...well who cares, Tuesday is what mattered. I've just been in a funky mood today.
September 11th, Year? 2005
I feel like blogging.
I would like to start off by reminding all of you that today is the 4th anniversary of 9/11, though I'm quite sure most of you don't need reminding. It seems like yesterday that it happened, I remember is so vividly, I was sitting in my 5th grade classroom. The teachers had been acting weird all morning, all of the sudden the teacher told us to make a circle in the back of the room and sit down on the floor. She pulled up the chair and announced that terrorist had crashed a plane into the World Trade Center about an hour ago. They let out school early and I went home to watch the event on TV at my friends house, my parents wern't home yet. I didn't really understand the true nature of the attack until later, but nevertheless, it's something that I will never forget.
God bless all who lost their lives that day...
This is the first year that 9/11 is on a Sunday since the attack, I just relized that.
Now that that is said we shall get on to my life in the present. Friday nights game was a blast. Rapids - 31 ~ Rebels - 13. I still can't believe we won, especially after our laughable performance last season. The half time show we played was the worst we have ever done something, it had been a long day, no a long week for all of us and I think nerves had alot to do with our performance.
Let's hope next weeks away game goes as good for the team, and much better for the Regiment.
Tag day, glorious, glorious tag day. Waking up at 6:30 on a Saturday and hiking around the neighborhood in uniform soliciting for donations. My group (me, John, Donna, Mason) made a total of 188 dollars working Ghettofield (Greenfield) and our goal was $260. I slipped on a Do-Rag package ("Do-Rag mini size for Lil' Brotha" is what it said on the package) which hurt really bad. That was definately a Kodak moment. I reallllly hope I get a new camera for my birthday, I am going through camera withdrawl. One group I know made $1440 and their goal was $425 (not to mention they were all freshmen, it must have been because they were girls), which is just CRAZY. If it weren't for people like that we would never reach our goal. Heck even one of the drum majors group made 200 under, maybe it just has to do with luck.
They told us to say "blah blah I'm blah and I play blah, and would you consider a donation of 50 dollars or more." That is alot of money, the theory was that they will donate less than you ask, but I stopped saying that after I got laughed at twice. Out of the near 150 houses we went to no more than a total of 35 people answered the door, boy we got some STUPID excuses. For example we were walking down the street and we saw a guy sitting on his front porch type thing, he looked at us and ran to his car. Once in his car he popped the hood up and ran inside via the back door. We watched him the whole time, when we went to ask him for donations he said, "I can't my car just broke down and the hood wont stay down and and a ton of other problems." I hate this, all I wanted was to meet my goal. I'll tell you what though, the break house we were assigned to, had SCRUMPTIOUS homemade chex mix, YUM! Anyways I have things to do (not really) so I shall see you all at a later time!
September 8th, Year? 2005
I had band rehersal today, not anymore apparently. It is due to begin at 2:30 and it's 2:15 and I'm helpless here just 4 short miles away. I didn't remember that I had it until I was already halfway home on the bus. Sucks doesn't it? I don't particlarly want to attend it but it was mandatory so I had to. I seriously hope that I don't get kicked out for this. Needless to say I'm going to engrave the next date into my hand and now thereforth. Well aside from this today was pretty good, like I said earlier my even days are the busy days. It was certainly a busy day, but I won't go into details. Apparently the school hasn't recieved the money for my special marching band shoes, I will have to pay it again, they said they would refund the money if it got taken out twice.
You know what?
I don't feel like typing anymore so I won't. Goodbye.
September 7th, Year? 2005
It's the second day of school and I already can't remember to blog. Not much is going on, we really jumped into things this year. It's the second day of school and I'm already loaded with homework, particularly from Latin class. The girl I like is chasing after some guy now, I guess she finally hit puberty, she's already starting to slack off, maybe she will be able to keep it together better than I did, turning 14 seriously killed my grades. She's going around kicking him and farting around with him and shes never done that to anybody, either he's her brother which he's not, or she likes him. Obviously alot of girls do this to guys even if they don't like them but not her, its just not like her to do that. It sorta pisses me off, if she makes a move and he turns her down I will slug his sorry ass, I've accepted that she will never like me but whoever she chooses better not be an assfuck. Can you tell I'm pissed off!??! I'm already soooo fucking jealous too. I can't belive it makes my heart sink to see her happy when shes with him.
OK 'nother subject, high school isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Some of my classes I will have to dash to though, the stairwell is really congested. Amazingly I haven't gotten mugged by 12 graders yet, I'm in the band so I have some back up if I get jumped, if I wear my Regiment teeshirt nobody will mess with me in fear of the drumline (or tuba players) kicking their asses. I say this and watch me get jumped tommarow.
Band camp helped me (it helped me??, omg!) learn to navigate the school, I know now that the classroom numbers are actually a code. For example room 1234 is on the 1st floor, 2nd avenue, 3rd hallway, 4th room. Yes that is actually a room number too. I have figured out that my odd days are like the relax and chill days and the even days are crack the whip days. Except that I'm in stupid person Z level social studies on even days, so that will be my break class. I don't have lunch with any juniors or seniors that I know, they can invite me to the closed commons. Oh well, I'll get over it. I don't think I particularly like my English teacher, shes one of those happy-angry types. "Oh hello ^.^ ^_^! I'm going to stab you! ^.^!" I'm sure you all know what thats like. Well I have quite a bit of homework to do and a lot of jealous rage venting to do. I shall see you all at a later time.
August 29th, Year? 2005
School is coming way to fast! Go away school shoo! shoo! I still have 6 days X.X. Anyways its 6:48 in the effing morning and I have to leave for band camp becuase its annoying and I don't want ot go but I have to and can you tell I just chugged 2 frappuccino?!??!!??!?!Twas my breakfast, I shall be on later and finish this crazy entry.
August 23rd, Year? 2005
Uhg! Today makes yesterday look like a cake walk! I thought it couldn't get any worse, but damn was I wrong! Seriously, almost nothing good happened ALL DAY, I passed off (played from memory) 2 out of 5+1 songs today. Plus one representing the one we haven't gotten yet, the Devil Went Down to Gerogia. So at least thats two under my belt, if I can tackle the next hardest, Far and Away, and perhaps Cheatin' Heart tommarow I would be doing great. I think I'll be stuck with just passing Far and Away though, Cheating Heart is a insanely hard song to memorize. Thinking about it now, and how thoroughly tired I currently am, I'm not sure how I'm going to live tommarow. My friend says "Don't be so pessimistic" well..I'm not being pessimistic, I'm being realistic!
I pretty much earned myself the "Worst Freshman" award. I'm sure there will be one, a sure moral pleaser folks! Apparently I can't multitask well enough, something about the concept of playing and marching (which includes posture, rolling feet, keeping time, counting, breathing right) at the same time I can't fully comprehend. I say this because well I suck at it.
You know another thing that divinely pisses me off?
How half of the damn people can get away with huge mistakes and shit, and I play a wrong note (mind you they aren't even playing, since they don't have the music memorized) and I get screeched at. "Don't play if you can't play it perfectly, playing is the easy part, if your clueless, just don't play". Oh dear Mrs. Collins and Castle, your in trouble then, I guess you haven't heard...EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKES! Thus nobody will play. Oh didn't think of that? I guess you should have shouldn't you. Uhg, between being mad at the drill sergents and myself and everyone else... except for a few, and being tired as a lamp in an icee cup, I'm just one screwed up mother cracker.
August 22nd, Year? 2005
Argggg...Marching band camp proved alot harder than I had anticipated! And SHIT! Only 1 week down! The first week was a walk-in-the-park compared to the first day of main camp. I recognized the drill sergant woman from all-county back in 03. She has this wireless headset that goes to a loudspeaker, and shes already LOUD! I mean I know shes there so that we can grow to hate her and so we try so she will leave us the crap alone, but jeez, I think they over did it hiring her! Thats a great use for 10 grand, hire a woman to come and SCREAM AT US! OH SURE THATS REALLY AN EFFECTIVE WAY TO SPEND OUR ENTRY FEE!
It didn't help that I was distracted thinking about a girl half the damn time. Of course that thought was indeed cleared out of my mind about the 3rd set of push-ups I had to do. Whoever the hell says this is fun, is one screwed-up mother freaker! 5 hours in the sun, two 30 second breaks, 5 people fainted, I think I had a heat stroke, my brain was already fried though, so it didn't do anything! 105 degrees and rising. "Do it again!", "Again!", "Last time", "Again, I lied!", "One more time". 'Nuff said! As my friend Andy says, "It's not band camp, its boot camp plus band...Why the hell did I pay 350$ for this again?" Yes folks, the entry fee is $350, thats $350 to get sunburnt, $350 to get yelled at, $350 to get heat exaustion, $350 to GO TO HELL ON EARTH!.
Enough about the bad stuff this past few weeks.. Oh yeah, thats all I've done all week...Crud....I need to go memorize some more music...2.5 songs down, 2.5+1 to go! YAY! Ow..(Note to self: Do not rub eye when severly sunburnt)...
August 15th, Year? 2005
Hey people, as you can see I made a new layout. The other one got boring, I basicially couldn't have done this without the help from stealing from Cole's blog. Everyone pay her ungodly blog a visit.
Band camp was alot better than I thought it would be, but it still wasn't my definition of fun. 104 degrees + 4 hours + standing in one position for 30 minutes + a literal drill sergent woman + little water + mosquitoes = fun? yeah sure. The pain was eased somewhat though, for a few reasons, though I won't disclose them because I'm so nice.
Just as I had thought (and even more hoped), nobody had memorized their music and very few had even LOOKED at it. So that was cool. I'm taking bug spray tommarow.
I feel that I should tell you that one of the exercises is to stand still for a very long time. Well the section leaders and drum majors get and your face and act like an idiot with the intention to make you laugh. Well your supposed to keep your "intensity" and not smile, laugh, snicker, or even acknowledge their exsistance. Well looking through them isn't a problem, its the laughing bit, I mean how do you not laugh if someone gets in your face and says "adurrrrrrhahahahahhaahmu" and basically act like a literal retard.
Simple... you dont.